Lori, you remain still so much a part of this world.
You have left heartprints on all those who knew you
I hold close all the memories of what once was, and  make it 
a part of me until we are together once more 

After thoughts which I finally can share with everyone

I feel it is time that I share something that had happened to me. this is a little long and for that I'm sorry, but I cannot explain it in any other way.
Few people know of this because I only told those closest to me at the time. My only reason for this is that perhaps others have had the experience and if not then maybe it can bring a moment of comfort to those that have lost someone they love. 

A month before my Lori was killed I received a letter from a woman who lived far from where I live. This woman had visited my web site and had wanted to tell me she enjoyed a certain page. I have to tell you here that at that time I had not much about myself included on the site. My only reference to me was :" I am a widow, I have a beautiful daughter and a dog and cat who rule the house. " 

As I continued to read the letter I felt my heart stop as her words reached out to me. She said: " A man came to me and he says he is your husband, he has dark hair and he is holding a white dog in one arm and a shovel in the other hand. He is standing beside a flower bush and his words to me were." Tell Carol I will always watch out for the bird." This woman did not know what this meant and she ask " Did he have a dog while he was young , was he a gardener or did he raise birds?"" Does any of this mean anything to you ?"

I sat numb and tears were falling down my face as I remembered. A few months after my husband passed on our little dog also died. He was so lonely for my husband that he constantly sat at the door waiting for my Ken. One day as he still sat there by the door he just went to sleep and never woke up. At the time of his passing I had been with Lori in another city while her and Dean's high school marching band performed in competition. 

Upon my return home, my friend and I discovered that the dog had died. . We cried as we got a box and prepared to bury him. I got a shovel and buried him beside a flowering bush that my husband had planted for me. { The dog, the shovel and the flower bush that this woman spoke of.} 

The words, " I will always take care of the bird kept ringing in my ears " You see when Lori was born Kenny called her Loribird and as she got older he shortened it to Bird" Very few if any knew the pet name he had for her and so this is what made me know that it was my Ken speaking " I printed this woman's note and read it over and over with tears in my eyes

I was trying to decide if I should tell Lori and after a week or so I decided to do just that. I went to Lori's house one Sunday afternoon and as she and her friend were watching TV, I began to tell the story. When I was finished and looked at Lori there were tears in her eyes as there were in mine. "So you see Lor, your dad is always with you" I said. 

Then a month later I flew to Texas for a few days and Lori and Dean had gone to the Outer Banks for a short vacation at the same time. My plans were to come home on a Tuesday, but that Thursday before I got this strange feeling , like someone was telling me to go home. I called the airline and changed my flight so that I would be going home at the end of the week on Saturday. I then talked to Lori on the phone, she had just returned home. I told her about my plans and she said." Ok Mom I will take your car to the airport. I am going to Hershey on Sat. but I will come over that night when I get home or else I will see you Sunday morning, I Love You Mom ....... These are the last words she said to me. 

I came home on Sat as planned and that evening went to bed around 12:30 thinking to myself, " Oh well I will see her in the morning" The morning came and I awoke hearing the sound of someone knocking on the front door. I went to the door and there were two police officers. I knew what it was, funny how you just know. I looked at them and said,"oh my God she's dead................ As the police came in they ask what family member they could call to be with me . As I stared at them I just shook my head there was no one left to call, they were all gone now. 

Now as I think about all of this and the note from that woman, I have come to believe that Ken was telling me Lori was going to die and he was there for her and he would take care of her, although at the time this had not entered my head. 

After the furneral I wrote to this woman again . I told her I was not going to make it this time. How could I go on with out my Lori. The woman answered me and said that she saw this beautiful young woman, with a wonderful smile. She was told by this person that I should go to this place where she and I were always happiest. She told me that she did not know where this place was that this person was speaking about. She said it was a park or a field or something like that and there were people everywhere. She also said that Lori was laughing about her teeth and the woman did not understand this part. 

I did not umderstand this letter, so I printed it out and looked at it over and over still not understanding.. One of my close friends came to the house one day and I gave it to her to read and explained that I did not understand it. She read it and smiled as a tear rolled down her cheek. "Oh Carol," she said, it is so simple really. What did Lori live for, what was most precious to her ? It was her Kids, these students that she spent every waking moment thinking about. The field is the compatition field, or the field at the school. She had been taken away to soon and Monday was to be Band Camp,. She was ready for that, but now she can only be there in spirit. She wants you to go where you both were the happiest, she wants you with those students. . " Don't you see ?" In death she is still thinking of those kids, she wants you to be there for her because they have to know she is still with them........... "Oh how simple" I thought, why didn't I think of it ? "Oh how simple!" There was nothing on earth more important to her then those students and even now she is thinking of all of them? 

The part about her teeth and why was she laughing about it ? This was also simple as I thought of it now. Lori is known for her Smile and remembered over and over for this friendly manner of hers. Every card every person had remarked about her smile and how they would miss it. One of her students has said to me as she and I sat and talked, " I miss her teeth ". I miss her smile and laughter........... 

In death she missed these students, and still worries about them. I am sure that she will never be far from the school. She will walk the halls and watch those that were so dear to her. And by chance perhaps one of these days someone there will catch a glance of this smiling woman who softly and quietly walks the halls and sits in the band room watching all that has happened since she was so drasticly taken away. 

A week after Lori's death, her close friend who I shall call Carrie , came to me and said that Lori came to her in a dream, at least she thought it was a dream, but she saw and heard Lori so plainly as she stood at the bottom of her bed. 

. Lori had said to her " I didn't get a chance to tell everyone I loved them" It happend so fast, I didn't even have a chance to scream. Then Lori said to her" I love you". Carrie then ask me" How did it happen Carol ?" I sat there for a minute and realized that Carrie didn't know how they were killed. Then I slowly began to tell her. " That is just how it happened Carrie, it was so fast. The boy was driving on her side of the road and since it was dark Lori could not see him in time as she came over the hill. she had nowhere to go, and no time to think. Carrie cried as did I as we both knew that Lori was reaching out to her and wanted to say" I love you"

Lori's house was beside mine and since her death, I could not enter. I could not face all the memories that were everywhere and the soft smell of her that was in the air in that house. 

One day as I was in the yard between our homes, I heard music. I listened for a minute and thought to myself" It is coming from her place". I went over and as I got on the porch I could not hear the music any longer, so I walked away. I got half way across the yard and I heard it again. " What is that, I thought?"

I went back and this time I went in the door. Once inside the music again stopped, but I then could hear something else. A strange sound, and I slowly walked through the house. It was coming from the bedroom and as I entered there I hear it again only this time it was in the bathroom. " What is that I kept thinking ?"

I looked and then I saw what it was. The pipe connected to the toilet had broken and water was gushing out onto the floor. I hurried to shut the water off and once it was off I cleaned up all the water. Then it hit me. " She wanted me to know this!" She didn't want all her things to become ruined. She was telling me by sending me music so I would pay attention. I sat on the bed and hugged her pillow, the air around me was filled with my Lori as I cried. " I wish I could hug you as I hug this pillow, I thought. I sat there for the longest time and my heart ached and I thought I would never stop crying, then I slowly closed the door and walked across the yard, feeling more alone then ever. Lori had reached out me to and yet I could not hold her or give her that hug that I wanted so desperately to do now. 

LORI VISITS ANOTHER CLOSE FRIEND:
A couple who I shall call, Dave and Joann for this true story . 
Dave and Joann were close friends with Lori and Dean and they spent many vacations, events and laughter days together. 

Each year, Dave, Joann, Lori and Dean would attend a school function at the Country Club . Each of them looking great as they went off for the night . Joann and Lori would go off into the restroom area sometime during the evening and Lori would site on the bench as she and Joann would chat and giggle about all kinds of things, while Lori would have that one cigarette. Only this year Dave and Joann had to go without Lori and Dean. It was so different now, they thought while getting dressed to go out.

During the evening, Joann finally went into the rest room although she didn't want to because of all the memories that were filling her head . Nevertheless she opened the door and entered. There she was struck by this vision. "Lori was sitting there on the bench waiting for her. Lori sat there smiling at her with that great smile of hers. Lori had come, she did not miss this yearly event with them. 

Joann began to cry and ran from the room and ran up to Dave with tears streaming down her cheeks. "Oh my God , Lori is here!" she said as she explained what happened to Dave. They both realized at that moment that they could no longer stay there. They had to leave before everyone would wonder what was wrong, so they left the club. 

The next day Joann called me and told me what had happened. I ask her, did you speak to her? She said no I couldn't, I was crying to hard. I calmly told Joann that Lori will never leave, she will always be where her heart was and still is. Her heart is with her friends, the school, the students and all the things that she lived for. She was not ready to leave this world and until the time that she is ready to move on, maybe, just maybe, you will see her again. Do not leave without saying " Hello Lori", I love you too Lori" 

When I think of Lori and Dean and what they may be doing now, I see them both with all these Angels teens, teaching once again. Dean. instructing the players of music, making the sounds in heaven so much more heavenly. 

Lori, is with her Angel Guard, the flags of heaven flowing in the wind. The dance team is smiling and learning new routines . All in step to the music of course and practicing to perform on the greatest field of all. . I am sure that Lori is also the one that takes all the newest Angels in her arms and welcomes them. She sits and listens as they talk to her about their fears pretaining to this new place they call home, and how much they miss those they left behind. With that smile of hers soon all the new Angels start to feel right at home and know they now belong to something so great, so powerful and so gloriious . " God's Angels" 

The words and thoughts on this page are mine and those of others who have told me their experiences. Although some people may not agree, I have not placed them here for a discussion on the issues of life or religion, but only because these events have happened and are now a part of my life 
Author - Carol DeAngelo " Lori's Mom forever " 
 

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